Today was a big day for drum corps, marching band, color guard, and drumline. Let's start off this review with drum corps:

DRUM CORPS

Today's event was held inside of a greenhouse. In order to make room for the audience, we had to burn many rare plants and flowers. After clearing much of the greenery, the first drum corps stepped onto the field. Despite popular opinion, I actually liked Division III. They may be the smallest groups, but they rock the stands just as hard as Division I. During intermission, the plants we burned came back to life and decided to get revenge. I remember seeing a beautiful daisy turn into a giant fire-breathing dragon. It tried to attack the audience, but missed and ended up burning more plants and flowers. During Division II, the greenhouse suddenly started to fly up in the air and take off toward the moon. During one of the shows, the moonlight was angled toward a deadly Venus fly trap and it sprang to life. It yelled "I am Spartacus!" and ate the drum major and conducted the rest of the show. Just as Division I was to start, the greenhouse landed on the moon. Shocked, the moon picked us up and hurled us toward the sun. As things literally heated up, the shows also started heating up. The staggering amount of sunlight caused all the plants to come back to life. They got their revenge by stealing all the trophies. However, the trophies were electronically rigged and zapped the plants into heaps of ashes. Nemesis was crowned the winner just as we plunged into the sun. However, one of the solar flares launched us back to earth and the force made the greenhouse shatter. Because Nemesis, Midland Valley Redcoats, and First Legion won, they had to pay for it to get repaired. Overall, today's activities were fun, but I need to be more aware next time I step into a greenhouse.

Coming up soon...Marching Band!

MARCHING BAND

The marching band shows took place inside of an armpit. Of all the disgusting places I've ever been to, this one ranks somewhere in the middle. As the Division III groups took the field, a giant stick of deodorant came in and took out half of the audience. However, the place did smell nicer. During intermission, a massive deluge of sweat took out the rest of the audience and I included. Because of this, the rest of the bands had to follow us. As Division II was about to begin, we were all washed into the sink drain. While the bands performed, we had to be careful of floating trash, hungry rats, and other people who were randomly swimming in the sewers for fun. Close to the end of this division, we floated into a giant soda can that housed dozens of maggot eggs. Just as Division I was about to step off, all of the maggots hatched and they carried away some of the audience members. During intermission, the current washed us into Sea World, where an extravagant water show was taking place. Suddenly, the giant tank of water flew up into the sky and started going towards the moon. As I was experiencing a sense of déjà vu, the Marching Knights won the Division I title. Today's events were a lot of fun, but seriously, who picked the show to take place in an armpit?

Coming up soon...Color Guard!

COLOR GUARD

Today's show took place just .01% of a light-year from a black hole. As everyone was getting pulled towards the event horizon, we kicked off with Division III. Despite everyone having their flags and rifles engulfed, they still performed their programs with a lot of heart and "sucked us in" to their shows (sorry, the pun was staring me in the face). Just as the last Division III group finished, we were all yanked into the point of no return and compressed into a singularity. However, this didn't stop Division II from performing their programs with lots of conviction. Suddenly, the black hole belched us back out the other side and we somehow ended up on the set of "Jeopardy!" During intermission, I accidentally buzzed in without knowing the answer. Panicking, I blurted out "What is a traditional 18th century dance inspired by Coca Cola?" As I waited to know if I was right, we cut to a commercial break. Division II ended and Division I commenced. We found ourselves in the middle of a car commercial, and I tensed up as Citrus Guard started their performance. (Come on, finish undefeated!). We ended up winning the show, but then the black hole appeared again and sucked up our medals as well as our equipment. We won't be seen again, but we'll still compete next season!

Coming up soon... Wrestling! I mean, Drumline!

Sorry, I was reconfiguring my groups just now. Here's...

DRUMLINE

This show took place inside of a high school gymnasium... in the middle of a nuclear testing site. Sometimes, it was hard to differentiate between the drummers' banging and the explosions occurring outside. During Division III intermission, a nuclear bomb walked into the gymnasium and told us "Do you guys mind clearing out? We're trying to explode things." As we were all clearing out, it said "Too late!" and blew up. The explosion knocked everyone back a couple of feet, but it brought down the entire gymnasium. Unphased, Division III continued. As Division II took the floor, the gymnasium decided to reconstruct itself and boasted "Ha, no bomb can destroy me! I'm the invincible gymnasium!" Suddenly, it leaped high into the sky and took off towards the moon "Oh great, this again." I muttered in disbelief. During the last group of the division, we collided with a giant floating cell phone. "Cell phones, my one weakness!" the gymnasium cried out and vaporized, leaving everyone stranded in space. Division I started up and then the black hole found us. "Aha! There you are!" it exclaimed and then started to suck us in. Suddenly, the greenhouse and the armpit from before shielded us and we were able to watch all the groups perform. The Knights Drumline won, and thus concluded all four events today. However, the greenhouse and armpit were eventually sucked into the black hole. We swam back to earth and prepared for season 7

PS- For those turned away at any one of my shows this season, join any one of "The Big Show's" scheduled on April 3rd, and you will automatically be accepted.