INDIANAPOLIS (FMA NEWS): Today in a surprising move, Executive Director for the Iron Brigade, cawheat, announced that he was placing his entire staff on "Double Secret Probation", in a surprise announcement at corps headquarters, Iron Brigade Hall.

"Dismal. We couldn't march. We couldn't play. The color guard resembled a laundromat, with its random spinning. And they danced like convulsive ferrets, " cawheat said, during the press conference.

After finishing in the Top 12 of Division III during Season 29, the Iron Brigade was promoted to Division II for Season 30 -- where it finished an astonishingly bad 50th.

"50th? 50TH?!?!?!" cawheat continued. "I take a vacation with my family for a week to Florida, and all heck breaks loose."

Rumors of misconduct also irked cawheat during his week away from headquarters. "Ladies and gentlemen, I'll be brief. The issue here is not whether we broke a few rules, or took a few liberties with our female party guests - we did."

cawheat also announced that the staffs for the North Lebanon Rangers, 19th Color Guard, and the corps percussion line, Iron Brigade Battery A" would all be on Double Secret Probation for season 30.

cawheat further elaborated: "I've got their disciplinary files right here. Who dropped a whole truckload of fizzies into the varsity swim meet? Who delivered the medical school cadavers to the alumni dinner? Every Halloween, the trees are filled with underwear. Every spring, the toilets explode."

But cawheat also remained optimistic for this season.

"We are looking to the future -- there is a complete sense of hope for the future," he said.
"What? Over? Did you say 'over'? Nothing is over until we decide it is! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Hell no!"

Besides Iron Brigade's horrific finish, their drum line placed 38th, the color guard 34th, and the Lebanon North Rangers marching band finished 35th.

FMA News will keep apprised of this developing situation.

lol why aren't you a commentator

You automatically win one internets for the Animal House reference.

Pretty sure Germany didn't bomb Pearl Harbor though...

Saxamattone obviously hasn't watched Animal House...because I counted four references. lol

lol I haven't either I was quite confused when I read that Germany had bombed Pearl Harbor lol

Yeah- I feel like a jerk!

"Well, what the hell we supposed to do, ya moron?!"

:)